5 Easy Steps to Plan Your Divorce Secretly



Many soon-to-be divorcees decide to get ready for the marriage termination in secret. Someone is scared about the reaction of the aggressive spouse, while others want to postpone the tension and feeling of guilt because of the failed marriage.

Anyway, if you decide to get ready to end your marriage discreetly, consider the following tips and steps before you file for online divorce in New York or in any other state.

Pros and Cons of Planning Divorce Secretly

When planning divorce secretly you don’t only get in a more advantageous position compared to your spouse but take bigger responsibility as well. Review the pros and cons of preparing to divorce in secret and make a suitable decision in the end.


  • More time for considerations – deciding that you want a divorce in advance grants you much time to sit and think about your past, present and future without any hassle. This means you can go through the realization, assessment, and planning without anyone intruding in the process, even your spouse.
  • Better opportunities for hiring professionals – with more time available you can explore the divorce market and hire the best suitable experts, whether it is a financial advisor, mediator, attorney, or relationship coach.
  • More time for getting finances under control – financial preparation is the crucial point when you are getting ready for a divorce. So, if you get to settle your financial situation, analyze your assets, and precalculate your divorce spendings, you will definitely have serious privileges over your partner.


  • Possibility of confrontation – imagine how you feel if you find out that your spouse was preparing to divorce secretly. Angry, disappointed, offended, betrayed… Anyway, your partner won’t be that happy to hear you were planning divorce and not giving a hint about your marriage going to the end, and you may have to deal with serious confrontation in the divorce process.
  • Blindsided children – although it will be a shock for your spouse that you are to leave them, no words can explain how your kids will be stunned about their family breaking up. Your secret divorce planning will deprive your children of the possibility to digest everything and may cause serious trauma to them.
  • Wrong decisions – having more time to get ready for the divorce process, you may be seeking every way to outdo your spouse and make mistakes in the end. This may include hiding some of your assets or preparing traps for your spouse. Things may go nasty in the end and you may lose more than win in your divorce process.

Getting a secret divorce is a serious decision that will have a significant impact on your family. So, you’d better go for it only if you have serious grounds to hide your intentions from your partner. Otherwise, being honest from the beginning is a preferred option.

Steps to Succeed with Secret Divorce

Still, if you cannot announce marriage termination plans due to personal safety or other important considerations, research how to secretly plan a divorce and implement it successfully.

1. Make the Right Decision

Preparing for divorce secretly, you leave all your family blindsided with the considerable shock upcoming for them. Plus, you leave your spouse less time and space to accept your choice and get prepared themselves.

On the contrary, if you know that your partner will get aggressive or try to manipulate you to prevent a divorce, you have no choice but to get ready for the end of your marriage in secret.

This means you have to assess your family situation and make the decisions that will be suitable and comfortable for you and your children.

2. Do Research

Once you know that you have no other choice but to get ready for a divorce discreetly, you need to do profound research on the following points:

  • the divorce process to cover;
  • the docs to prepare;
  • the professionals to hire;
  • the local laws to consider;
  • the financial perspectives to calculate;
  • possible outcomes on the custody and other vital outcomes to get ready to.

These and other findings will let you get a clear picture of the upcoming divorce process and get ready for it. Mind that it is safer to clear your browser history or use a private mode so that your spouse doesn’t suspect your intentions before time.

3. Nurture Emotional and Mental Stability

As long as you plan for divorce, you also need to perform your daily duties and keep a straight face when you are around your family. More to this, you can hardly rely on anyone so that they don’t spill the beans about your intentions. This all creates a huge tension and stress for you. Having to pretend all the time, you can never really relax, so that it may end up in a severe emotional disorder soon.

To avoid the undesired effects of your secret divorce, you’d better take care of your mental and emotional wellness. Find time to switch off your fake image and be yourself, at least for some time daily. Find anonymous support to listen to you and advise you in times of hurdles. Practice yoga, meditation, or religion to keep inner balance.

4. Cooperate with Professionals

No matter how secret your divorce planning is, you’d better reach the experts for cooperation. Financial advisors, family counselors, divorce attorneys, and other professionals will make your preparation a top efficient one. But you should be careful and restrict your interaction within one secure means so that you don’t get your plans revealed pre-time.

5. Prepare a Backup Plan

If you have safety concerns for planning divorce secretly, be ready with a backup plan. This means you have to get ready with emergency leave for the case when your partner finds out about your intentions unexpectedly and overreacts. Prepare hand-carried bags with personal belongings, docs copies, cash, and a place to leave to. As a result, you will succeed with your divorce plans no matter whether your spouse reveals your secret.